Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
