I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
