You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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