If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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