omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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