The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
