Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize