he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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