Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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