haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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