So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
