having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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