Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
