I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want her autograph on my taint
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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