i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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