is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
