The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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