I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
