Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
