The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
