From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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