It's Friday. Sex?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
