planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
