And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
