I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
