I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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