She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
the raccoons are back...
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