Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
