The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
