his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
