My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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