We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
