It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
