Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
