you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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