i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
