Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
