Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
