I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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