ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
