hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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