hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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