I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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