i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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