i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
