there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
