pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
