After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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