I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
