This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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