Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
