the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
