I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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