i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
