"it" just moved
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
