Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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