end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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