She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
