i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
