During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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