He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
