so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
