He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize