theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
