I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize