One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
